The Opposite of Hate is Love

Last night we went to visit a family from Iraq. It had been a while since we had seen them but we wanted to encourage them. They need to be in church. But church is hard. Especially Arabic churches in Belgium. People come on Sundays for different reasons…maybe because it’s just tradition, maybe it’s to get out of the house and see people and then there are the precious few who really, honestly, deep down want to be a part of the Kingdom of God. How do I know there are only a precious few? Well, we have been talking a lot about the Kingdom of God lately and last week I asked them to raise their hands if they felt like they were in the Kingdom or even knew how to get there. Precious few.

So what we end up with is a lot of people (in all the Arabic churches in Belgium…and probably many other churches around the world of all people groups) playing the role of a Christian but not actually following Jesus. And if you ask me, that is where things get messy.

The world starts judging Christ by those who are self-proclaimed followers. But what if the self-proclaimed followers aren’t really following Jesus. What does an unbelieving world say about that?

That brings me to the conversation we had with our Iraqi friends. She said, “I am sorry Janée, but Americans just don’t like Arabs.” I took no offense because I will never forget going “home” in my early years of living in Belgium. I would talk in churches and before I could even open my mouth in a Sunday School class, the prayer requests would be announced against those people over there and for our military. The anti-Arab sentiment was clear, even in churches.

And not long after my friend made this observation, she asked if I saw the news in America. It was Monday and she was asking about something that happened on Saturday. I said no, unsure of what she would tell me but I knew it wasn’t going to be good. A 71 year old landlord violently stabbed a 6 year old Palestinian American boy and his mother. He died. She will probably survive…and later wish she hadn’t. Apparently the older man didn’t like the war happening in the Middle East. Apparently he vocally wished all Muslims harm. And he apparently hung multiple crosses that were seen at the boy’s memorial.

He is not only being brought up on murder charges but also for hate crimes. But wait, he hung up crosses. Isn’t he a Christian? How can he hate? That’s probably exactly what an unbelieving world is asking. Aren’t Christians called to love?

Yes. The answer is YES. So what does love look like? Well, love is patient. Goodness, isn’t God so patient with each of us and God IS love. Patience…walking slowly with others and showing them the love and light of Jesus with every action and word, praying that they will one day see Jesus as the hope of their own life. That’s love.

Love is not arrogant or rude. Love sees the person who is in front of them. Love understands that we personally have nothing to boast about…we can only boast in Jesus. He is the reason we are who we are and have the ability to be who we are. It’s really all about Him and nothing about us, so how in the world could we be arrogant?

Love endures all things. Endure is a military word for staking ground. And love does that, it stakes ground. It’s consistent and loves the person regardless of what that person says or does.

But love does not have to accept everyone’s version of “truth”. Love doesn’t have to agree with everyone all the time. Love doesn’t water down the Word of God in attempt to not offend someone else.

We are living in messy times. We are living in a time when the kingdom of the world is bleeding into the Kingdom of God. Brennan Manning once said, “The greatest single cause of atheism [or any other worldview apart from a biblical one] in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”

It’s time for the Church to rise up and live like citizens of the Kingdom. May we cover ourselves with God’s love for one another…even for the neighbor who is nothing like us. Love, not hate.

the Mixed Up Middle East

So, we had someone stay with us last weekend that reminded me that I haven’t posted anything here in a long minute (thanks, Brandon). The truth is, I always wonder what I should write. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and wonder if they will be understood or appreciated by anyone who might stumble here and read.

I think my hesitance comes from reading posts on social media. We live in an age where our words are unfiltered. No wonder community is so hard to find. But in spite of my feelings about the current state of the world, I find myself sitting on my kitchen floor this morning with my computer on my lap getting ready to write what I am feeling in black and white.

I live in Europe…that’s true. But I have NEVER lived in a European’s Europe. I have ALWAYS lived in the middle of an Arab Muslim neighborhood. In fact, when people ask me about what Belgian food I like, I have a really hard time thinking of what Belgian food really is.

The Turks make the best durums. The Syrians make the best hummus. The Jews make the best falafel. The Palestinians make the best grilled meats. The Iraqis make the best bread. The Moroccans make the best couscous (although, I really don’t enjoy couscous…but they do make the best). The Lebanese make the best salads. And what do the Belgians make…well, chocolate is the obvious answer. But my point is that my Europe, is really the Middle East.

So last week’s international events made my head spin. I am still processing, learning and furiously reading about the history of the events that are unfolding. I want to understand. We have friends from Bethlehem (that’s in Palestine) who are from a Christian background and live near our neighborhood here in Belgium. They came to our house for Christmas and New Year’s last year. And yet we also have a large Jewish population here in Antwerp. And when I prayer walk the city, I often find myself in the Jewish neighborhood and in my favorite kosher supermarket talking to the kindest Jewish grocer in the city who teaches me about all the holidays.

Honestly, war is hell for everyone. I have learned that first hand by going through the Syrian war for the last 12+ years. But people were fairly unified that on the enemy in that situation. I teach Ukrainian children English at school. And the world was also fairly unified on the enemy in that war too. But now people are so divided…especially in my Europe. (Well, maybe not so much divided in my neighborhood since Muslims unify when any Muslim group is at war with someone who is not Muslim.) But it seems like this is a war about land. And here is what I have learned about the land:

Around 1250 BC the Hebrews came into the land and it was divided between the 12 tribes. Between 1030 – 928 BC the country became a Jewish Kingdom. Between 930 – 970 BC, Solomon, the wise king was born. He’s the one who built the first temple. The kingdoms then divided. North was Israel, whose capitol was Samaria. And the south was Judah, whose capitol was Jerusalem. In 722 BC Israel was conquered by the Assyrian Empire. (The Assyrians are a people group until today. I know because my children are half Assyrian. They don’t have any land today…at all. Their diaspora is all over Syria, Iran, Iraq and Turkey.) Between 586-587 BC Judah fell to the Babylonians. That’s King Nebuchadnezzer. By 586-332 BC the Persian empire takes control. During this time the second temple was built. Then from 332-63 BC it was the Hellenistic (Greek) time. In this time, 167 BC, was the Maccabean revolt when they took back control of the temple and the oil lasted 8 days, which is the beginning of Hanukkah. By 63 BC the Romans invaded and of course they still had control when Jesus ministered. 334-638 AD was the Byzantine period when Constantine paid people to convert to Christianity (that did a lot for the state of the church and the condition of the human heart…she said sarcastically). 638 AD (6 years after Muhammed died) the land becomes Muslim territory. 1099-1260 AD welcomes the Crusades (again doing so much for the church that we are still asked to explain this to this day with Middle Easterners). 1260-1517 AD the Mamluks had control…also Muslim. 1517-1917 AD was the Ottoman Empire (aka the Turks). 1917-1947 AD was British control…mainly because of the Suez Canal that let them continue trade with India. It had nothing to do with the land or the people. November 29, 1947 the newly formed UN grants Jews the land. Why? Well, look at the date. That’s just after the Holocaust where 6 million Jews were killed. Having been in the land 3000 years ago and after 2000 years of diaspora, by May 14, 1948 Israel forms the modern state of Israel with only a small portion of land that was originally allotted them by the UN. The Jews accept this but the Arabs did not. 4 hours after Israel was formed, Egypt bombed Tel Aviv. That was the first of many acts of violence over the land that would happen over the last 70 years or so.

Whew!! That was a lot of history and I honestly believe I have probably lost anyone who dared to read. But that brings us to this last week. If I learned anything by the Syrian war, it’s that media lies. And they give you the point of view that they want you to have. So watch one station and Israel is the victim. Watch another and Palestine is the victim. This is a divisive war. People are taking sides all over the world. And honestly, I am not writing to tell you who to support. But I do want to say this:

Pray! Yes, it might be happening on the other side of the world from you, but if you think that this doesn’t effect the whole world, that’s naive. There are bigger things at play than 2 (or more) countries bombing each other. Our job it to pray for peace. Bigger than normal peace (meaning the absence of war) we are to pray that the peace that Jesus gives will be felt and accepted. Pray that God will shine His face on these people. Pray for grieving families in both countries to find true hope. Remember from Ephesians 6 that our enemy is not flesh and blood, so we need to pray for the real enemy to be stopped. In Jesus’ name, we pray.

And if you are so bold to go to the next step…fast. I love this quote by Saint Basil the Great (330-379 AD). “Fasting gives birth to prophets. She strengthens the powerful; fasting makes lawgivers wise. She is a safeguard for the soul, a steadfast companion for the body, a weapon for the brave and a discipline for champions. Fasting repels temptations, anoints for godliness. She is a companion for sobriety, the crafter of a sound mind. In wars she fights bravely, in peace she teaches tranquility.” And since we believe Ephesians 6, then we have to understand that there are things happening that we cannot see with human eyes, but there is a mysterious power in fasting. It does something unexplainable when combined with prayer from an earnest heart.

In all the chaos of this world, may the church be the people of God who shine His light over the whole story with a heart for His peace to reign.

Aid

As of today, I have heard of 3 significant earthquakes in Turkey and Syria. My Arabic teacher is actually in the earthquake area in Syria and she is helping many who are in need. And as you can imagine, people in Belgium wanted to know how to best help many who are actually sleeping on the streets because they are so afraid of sleeping in their homes.

So our living room became a collecting location for Antwerp. We were able to send used clothes, blankets and other toiletries 2 different times to Brussels where they will be divided and shipped off to those in need. This is one of the ways we have been able to help out and send aid during this crisis.

Our hearts break for those, especially in Syria. They have lived through 12 years of war and have now said that these last weeks have been the most terrifying of their lives.

The world heard about the baby born in the earthquake and the mother who died. But we have also heard other stories. One is about an older woman who only had one child, who was now an adult. When the left the home during the earthquake, they saw that it was only cracked. So her son decided to go back in the house to get some things. The moment he went in, the entire house collapsed and killed him directly.

And in another story, there was a neighborhood with several children. And suddenly, during the course of a week 4 of those children died of fear. They were literally scared to death. The fear is overwhelming and crippling others too.

Please pray for those in Turkey and Syria. Pray that the earthquakes stop and that those without homes will find shelter. And pray for the aid from other countries to safely enter the most needy places.

Around Town

The official flower season started in January! The tulip farmers had a display of thousands of tulips on the square in front of the station. And they GAVE every last one of them away. What a beautiful way to celebrate a cold day in January.

Rain happens a lot here in Belgium. But we don’t always get to see a rainbow. Phoebe took this picture on a walk home from school. We live around a mile from the school and every day the girls have to walk there and back. And being a 6th grader, Phoebe loves to take her phone with her and she is always ready to take a good picture.

And we have been looking for a secondary school for Phoebe and her best friend. This is the outside of the one we pray will be the best for them next year. It is called Panorama because from the lunch room on the 9th floor of the school, there is a wonderful panoramic view of the city of Antwerp.

Ministry

For one month, November – December 2022, I took a sabbatical of sorts. I have been in ministry here for over 18 years and desperately needed a pause. Although my heart is always to be obedient to where the Lord leads, sometimes I feel weighed down in the many cultures and languages I try to balance every day. And so I needed to just put the breaks on for a few weeks and return to my first love.

It was the best thing for me. I let my mom help me with the girls and house work. I asked Hary to let me have this time and not require much of me either. I read my Bible for long chunks of time each day and worked through a Bible study on joy. I cooked for my family each night…not rushed and with love. I had the time to try new recipes. I slept more. I sat down at the piano and sang more. I worked on sitting in Gods’ rest.

After I jumped back into hosting Christmas and New Year’s for the church and the Khano family members. I went back to preaching and teaching. I continued with Kingdom Kid’s (our monthly kids’ club for about 40 children). And I continued to maintain the balance of rest and worship in my normal pace of life.

Since my mom was with us for 3 months, I asked her to join me in learning to make Syrian baklava. I googled and found a Syrian man on youtube who was able to walk me through step by step to make the best baklava. After my mom returned the States, I even made it alone for the church. You know when I attempt to make Arab food for Arabs, I am feeling brave. The pan I brought was completely eaten and I received many compliments. Even one woman sent me a picture from the next day as she enjoyed her pieces she took home with her. Yay! Believe me when I say it is an accomplishment when Arabs like the food you prepare.

I made the baklava because our worship leader at church FINALLY got his Belgian documents as a recognized refugee after almost 5 years of waiting. So a celebration was needed. The girls and I decorated the kitchen and we, as his family, celebrated together. I told him that I was so happy to scratch his name off my prayer list. There are still more names on the list and we wait for a chance in the future for more celebrations.

And we also have added a Christian secondary school to our prayer list over the years. As Phoebe and her classmates get ready to enter secondary school next year, our hope was that they would have a Christian school to go to. But there is only one Christian secondary school in the entire country and it has suffered many legal issues and now functions more like a homeschool group.

My dear friend, Hellen, from Ghana is one of the smartest women I know. She is a secondary teacher who understands non-profit organizations. And God placed this secondary school on her heart. Her daughter also happens to be Phoebe’s best friend. And these 2 girls were in our hearts when we have talked about this possibility. Hellen has worked diligently to bring this into reality. She still needs more time and open doors. Of course it takes money and a staff to make this happen. But she would also like the school to be bilingual with English and Dutch together. And believe it or not, the bilingual part is more difficult than anything else. It’s done in the Netherlands but Belgium is not on board for a public bilingual school. But in the ever changing world, allowing the already bilingual children to study in English will be a benefit. So please pray for this school to become a reality in the future. Pray for open doors in this area of education.

And God’s work continues here in Belgium….

Egypt

In November 2022, Hary and I were invited to join a prayer conference just outside of Cairo, Egypt. Since neither on of us had ever been to Egypt, we decided to take 3 days and vacation together before the meeting. It was also our first real trip to an Arabic speaking nation TOGETHER.

When most people travel to the Middle East they do it in style. But we are clearly not most people. Since Hary speaks Arabic, we tried to be a little more like the locals. We were in about 8 different modes of transportation…foot, boat, taxi, vans that carry up to 12 strangers at a time, Uber, a crazy little tuc tuc (if you don’t know what it is, you really need to google it), bus and even horse and carriage…and that was not nearly as romantic and fancy as it may sound.

We floated on the Nile, saw the city of millions from the top of a tower, visit 2 churches literally carved in the mountains, saw King Tut at the museum, visited the famous pyramids, stopped into the largest evangelical church in the Arab world and took one day to find Christian book stores for Arabic books and visit the Egyptian Bible society.

At our hotel filled with westerners, we stood out as the Syrian and the American who was trying out all my Arabic (I am currently in lessons now…it’s my 4th language that I am working on). Everyone who worked in the hotel knew us instantly and extended a special kindness.

Egypt was a nice break for Hary and I. My mom stayed with the girls and we took the time to be together. And when we finished our 3 day visit, we were ready for the 3 day conference. There was a fresh sense of God. It was encouraging to be standing in Egypt and praying for the Middle East, the Arabic speaking world. God encouraged Hary and I personally through the prayer and worship and the many people that we met. There are things that I heard there that I am still trying to understand and process. And it was just the refreshment that we needed in this season of our lives and ministry.

All of our Egyptian friends and deeply touched that we visited their land. And we are blessed to go to the place that holds just a rich history in our faith. We just might be ready to go back again…

Children of Prayer

Every Wednesday for the last 6 years, I have led a group of moms in prayer for our children and the school. We have seen so many changes in the school and we can’t even count the amount of miracles that have come out of that faithfulness.

This year, these children started to pray too. They now have a little WhatsApp group that meets together on Tuesday nights. They usually have around 6 children who pray for their classes and teachers. They read something out the Bible together and encourage one another in a fun ways.

There is really no greater blessing than seeing your children practice their own faith. God hears their prayers and He is so faithful to them. I love each one of them and can’t wait to see what God does in their lives. They are already mighty warriors in the hands of the One who made them.

Birthdays

It’s been a while since I have sat down to write. Mostly, it’s the little things that have stopped me. Like I FINALLY synced my phone pics to my computer and have been able to add them. But in the time since I last wrote, the girls have each celebrated a birthday.

In November, Phoebe turned 12. She is constantly reminding me how close she is to being a teenager. Yes, I know Phoebe! She is in the 6th grade and will start a new school next year. She takes more responsibility over things around the house each day. And surprises me by helping out in unexpected ways. I must say I have enjoyed every age, but the time together gets sweeter each year. I pray we weather the teenage years well. Let’s hope she still enjoys being around her mama in a few years!

In December, Maria-Grace turned 8. She is our bundle of laughter. She is outgoing and chatty. She is now in the 3rd grade and actually loves math. She does NOT get that from her mama. She still loves bears and so we had a bear-y birthday cake for her. I pray for her class at school. There are only 3 other girls in the class and none of them click well with her. She longs for a BFF. She’s had them and lost them over the years because of moves or class changes. So we pray God brings just the right friend along…and soon.

I can’t imagine my life without these two. They are so precious to me and I count them as blessings every day. They fill me with joy, hugs and smile all the time.

Loss

Feelings. They can be overwhelming especially when times are difficult. And when feelings are too strong, I sometimes pick up my copy of Every Moment Holy by Douglas McKelvey and search for a prayer that speaks to my heart.

This morning I did just that. Yesterday was the funeral of Hary’s dearest friend. It was a long day of service, burial and sharing over a meal. More than 300 people came to the church and at least 150 stayed to eat. More than 8 hours after the service began people finally started to go home.

We were there when Hary’s friend breathed his last breath. I knew the signs because it wasn’t my first death. It was the third time I was next to someone when they transitioned into eternity. There is something holy and solemn about it all. And one death reminds me of another.

Loss.

Yesterday didn’t just remind me of the loss of a wonderful man of God, but it also reminded me of other kinds of loss. We have felt the impact of the various kinds over the last years and months.

I try to process it all and questions naturally arise. As I read this morning, the prayer “Death of a Dream” spoke to my heart.

“I bring to you…the broken pieces of my expectations / I invested my hopes…returned only sorrow and frustration…and in my head I know that You are sovereign even over this- over my tears, my confusion, and my disappointment / My history bears the fingerprints of grace. You were always faithful / Now take this [expectation]…and give it back reformed and remade according to your better vision, or do not give it back at all. / Not my dreams, O Lord…but Yours, be done.”

May God always work in and through us. May His will be done even when we feel the loss. May we be reminded that He is the one working things out. May our trust be forever in Him who holds everything in His hands and loves us more than we can imagine.

Bear Love

This child has loved bears since she met the Coca-Cola bear in the Georgia museum about 4 years ago. She loves all the bears but the polar bear is her favorite. She has asked for a long time to see them in real life. Finally I found a zoo in Belgium with 6 kinds of real life bears! And she was delighted!!

Her love is so deep that she tears up at the idea of some of them dying and becoming at risk of being extinct. She jokes about buying a walk in freezer one day to be able to bring a polar bear home. And so it was a joy to see how happy she was at the zoo.

She is one of my favorite people on this planet. She has such big brown eyes. She has a wonderful sense of humor and loves to make people laugh. And her sense of sarcasm is beyond her 7 years. And yet she needs prayer.

She is constantly dealing with stomach pain and we are on a special diet from the doctor. In addition, she has worried about the future and when I will die for the last 2 years, when my dad passed away. It weighs on her and concerns her. She’s not worried about going with Jesus, she is worried about being alone. And at the moment, she doesn’t have a best friend. Over the years they have all moved and last year and this year she has felt that deep loneliness.

We pray every day that she will find a new best friend. But last night she sat on my bed and asked me if I think she is weird because no one else likes her. My heart broke. Please pray for her to find a friend who enjoys playing with her and will be her friend for a long time.